Archive for 2009-07-19
Monday, July 20, 2009 Monday, July 20, 2009
What To Do When Your Life Is Falling Apart
- by David Bohl, Personal Coach
1. Your marriage is on the rocks.
2. You lost your job.
3. Your best friend isn't talking to you.
4. You hurt your back.
5. You are one month away from foreclosure on your home.
6. Your child is sick.
7. Your father died.
Any one of these experiences is traumatic. More than one occurring at the same time could put you into a tailspin. It is really important that you can look deep into yourself & see that some of these things are beyond your control, while others are completely in your power to fix.
Grieving the Unavoidable
Some things, like the death of a friend or family member, are just completely out of your hands. In this instance, it is simply your job to grieve. Too many times I have seen people stoic at the funeral of a parent. They seem to go on with their lives and are praised for being "so strong," yet they let it eat away at them and feel absolutely miserable on the inside, for years. Even the loss of a job, or the collapse of a relationship, may require a period of grieving in order to understand, and grow from, the emotions that come from such a parting. Any time you experience suffering and loss, you should give your soul the time it needs to mourn, purge, cleanse, and heal.
Fixing the Controllable, Getting Back to Basics
Beyond death and loss, some things are completely IN your control to fix. First, forgive yourself for the mistakes you may have made. You can't change the past, but you CAN shape your own future. You're by no means the only person in this world who has seen hard times. If you're feeling overwhelmed, with no idea how to get out of the mess either you or your actions has caused, that's a signal. It’s time to get back to basics! Unravel the situation one gnarl at a time.
Losing your house because you are far behind on mortgage payments and have been playing an avoidance game? Acknowledge the problem, then exercise your options. Call your mortgage company. Find out what action you can take to sell your home and have less of a mark on your credit. Or, seek out government assistance to help you get back on track with payments. There are many ways to solve a problem. Talk to someone who has gone through the experience. Do your research. And remember that it didn't take you a day to get into this mess, so it will take more than a day to fix. Take it one day at a time.
Lose your job? If you find that you're under qualified for whatever new careers might be available in your field, then take a few steps back so you can move forward. You may find yourself returning to a work style and schedule that you haven't explored since the college years. Know this is okay - you need to do what you need to do. Commit to a career change. That doesn't mean that you should neglect your mortgage, car payments, & credit card bills. You need to get back in the game somehow, and that might be as simple as finding a temporary job at a retail store to keep money coming in while you focus on career building efforts after-hours. Survey your options. Know that with every bold step you make toward your future, you're learning survival skills that will carry you through the rest of your life.
Giving Love a Second Chance
Maybe you're going through a divorce. Maybe you've had to separate from your partner, and you're suffering the pain that comes from saying goodbye, and having to part with old, comfortable habits, routines, and rituals. Maybe you still have your relationship, but you're in a loveless marriage or some other type of unfulfilling situation. If all else has failed why not give counseling a try? It's really not that scary and a lot more common than you think. You can either work on yourself, or work together with your partner. More likely than not, your relationship will be stronger after you both commit to bringing back that trust, closeness and cooperative spirit that you experienced together when love was new.
Whatever is happening that may make you feel like you're coming apart at the seams… know that help is available, in the form of good friends, trusted family members, and even professional coaches or counselors who can help you change your thinking so that you can change your behavior and then change your life.
Back to basics… baby steps. Don't let negative self-talk blind you to possible solutions, and don't despair. There is always light at the end of the tunnel!
Personal Coach David Bohl shares the viral message "Slow Down FAST" and helps people raise the roof on all facets of their lives without risking implosion. Get some must-haves for persevering in challenging times! Sign up for David's online newsletter, The Bohl Report today.
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